Thursday, September 13, 2007

more on Mary Winkler

In response to Hollye and Jill. I think you missed the point of my post.
I was asking, do you think she's definitely telling the truth.

If, and that's a big if, she is telling the truth, then in a way, I can see how she did what she did.
Although it's possible she could have done something to get out of that life.
Rather than letting it get that far.
I can only put myself in her shoes if I think she's telling the truth.

But really, do we know for sure she is telling the truth?
I have been believing that it was true because of the news reports.
But seeing her on Oprah...I am not so sure. Something did not seem right.

Did you see Oprah? (Hollye and Jill)

I'm just not sure she is telling the truth.

12 comments:

Jill Gross-LaFaye said...

Yes I saw Oprah..I recorded it on DVR so I could watch it later. I was in tears and was so sick at my stomach because she reminded me of me when I was that person. It is so hard to explain "things" when you are mentally abused, when someone plays head games with you..it is hard to describe to another person. You just have to be there..and as for the porn he was into..that is demonic activity..not just watching porn..but the things that he asked her to do..and when you are that afraid..you do whatever you are asked to do. I know it may seem like she wouldn't speak much..but it is so hard to talk about "everything" that has happend to you and to remember every detail when a lot of "happenings" turn to such as blur..that is how she got as far as she did in the marriage..I believe..she was going through the motions and she was so numb..her husband had complete control over her..that feeling is hard to explain..unless you have been there. I lost my friends..because of who I had become..and I had withdrawn from my family. That sort of treatment just completely changes who you are. I often wondered if I could kill him with one good smack on the head with something heavy while he was asleep. But then I thought, Oh God if he gets up he will kill me. I thought how long would I have to go to jail..I couldn't bear the thought of being without my kids. I was so scared to leave..that last week in that house with him was exhausting..I didn't sleep..he wouldn't let me. I am so thankful to be free of that life..there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of the wonderful husband that God has blessed me with..my beautiful kids..my health and my smile. I have my smile back!
One more thing and I will post this..Mary had just one hour to talk to Oprah..I think she carefully answered briefly and then moved on..this interview I am sure could easily of lasted a year or more. Please pray for her, I hope she gets her girls back.

TracieClaiborne said...

Jill - I had no idea you went through all that. I am so sorry for what you endured.

Does Mary Winkler's behavior seem strange to you at all? It was the weirdest interview ever. Then I read on Oprah's message board from literally hundreds of people who had lived in abusive marriages and they said they could remember every detail of every time they were abused. It was like Mary couldn't give Oprah anything concrete that her husband had ever done. That's what seemed strange to me.

Jill Gross-LaFaye said...

Honestly..there are lots of things that are a blur to me..when you are so abused I think you mentally start shutting down. I also was abused by my mother..and many years are blocked out of my memory..it is like emergency mode or something..people cope differently..some kill, some run and leave there children behind and some fight their way out and get their children out. I could tell you stories that would raise your hair..my "interview" would take months to get through. But, no Mary's behavior seems normal to me. It will take her a long time to work through this..and lots of counciling. But I believe she will overcome this period of her life.

Jill Gross-LaFaye said...

Judge declines to stop Mary Winkler's interview on 'Oprah'
Posted by Associated Press September 11, 2007 12:41 PM
NASHVILLE -- Mary Winkler can appear on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" after a judge denied a motion for a gag order from her former in-laws, who are fighting to keep custody of her three young daughters.

Winkler was convicted in April of voluntary manslaughter after she shot and killed her husband Matthew, a Church of Christ minister last year.

His parents, Dan and Diane Winkler, tried to stop her from appearing on the show. They argued that discussing the case on national television would harm the children.

Part of the interview has already been taped at her attorney's office. It was unknown if any part of the segment would be live on the show scheduled for Wednesday afternoon on WAFF TV Channel 48.


__________________________
I just found this..Mary didn't wrongfully interview with Oprah..she was granted permission..so to speak. I don't think that the Winkler's wanted her to air the "dirty laundry" on national television. I can assure you those 2 older girls knew about their father being "mean". You can't hide abuse from someone that lives under the same roof. Trae was only 5-6 years old and he remembers.

Hollye said...

I only watched a small portion of it and then turned it to something for K to watch because it felt "wrong" to watch it.

I honestly don't know if she did it. I just think going on national television was wrong. Maybe her husband was abusive and she is telling the truth. Maybe he wasn't.

Chelle said...

I went to college with both of them. I didn't know either of them very well. My BIL actually hung out with Mary. He was shocked when he heard about this.

I would like to get his opinion on this if I can. He probably didn't watch Oprah though.

I wanted to see it and forgot all about it. Just reading your post and the replies it makes me wonder if she was advised not to say certain things. I do understand about supressing parts of your life though, so I can totally believe that part.

kristina said...

I have never been in an abusive relationship so I can't speak from experience or relate to her in that regard, but her body language and the way that she spoke didn't portray to me that she was speaking the truth. I felt as though she was making up some of it as she went along. Now, that's not to say that it ISN'T the truth, that was just my perception of her interview, body language, etc. I definitely feel like she should NOT have done the interview for her children's sake. I mean, those kids have gone through so much already. It's a sad situation all the way around. :(

annie said...

I watched Oprah, so here are my thoughts...(oh my, I can't believe that I am opening myself up to this!)
Yes, I think that Mary Winkler was abused.
No, I don't think that she should have killed her husband.
Yes, I believe that she did not intend to kill her husband (didn't think that the gun was loaded as that was a rule in the house to keep in unloaded) I do believe that she wanted to scare him and finally stand up for herself and her children.
Do I think that she should not be serving jail time? Hmmm...not sure...
Do I think it was the right time for her to be on Oprah? No.
What I do think is that she had so many years of abuse that she has become so damaged and need years of professional help. I think that Oprah was surprised by so little that she said. I don't think that Mary was ready to go on national tv to explain herself. She is still too raw. I thought that Oprah acted as if "you wanted to come on my show and explain yourself and this is all you have to say?"
Does that make sense?
Abuse is not a license to kill and I think that Oprah wanted to hear more. The only real bad day she described on tv was the day she killed her husband. Because she is not ready to tell us the extent of the abuse it almost seemed to be trivialized.
I do think that Oprah was irritated with her. She didn't seem to offer Mary much grace. Her questions were not that of someone who had been abused herself, but that of a non-feeling interviewer.
I am so thankful I have not lived her life so watching it was not the same for me as it was for Jill. Jill could understand her silence and knew what her silence and quiet demeaner was saying. I did see a broken, damaged lady who needs a lot of therapy to work through the years of hidden pain. Then, and only then, would she be ready to go on Oprah and tell the world what really happened.

Michelle said...

well shoot did my post not post?

Michelle said...

Ok I will try again.

At the very beginning of the show Mary said that her purpose was to help others, I think she said something like "people like her." Did she even say abuse or victim? I am not sure. It was a vague answer like all her answers were. She still needs MUCH counseling before she can be an advocate for abuse victims. I have seen interviews with survivors of abuse and they were very moving and your heart really went out to them. She needs to focus on herself and her family before she can help others.

As an outsider whos only information is what is in the media, I have real issues with her shooting her husband in the back with her girls at home. I watched Oprah because I wanted to hear her side of the story and I really wanted to be convinced that killing this man was justified. That did not happen.

I know there are many many tragic situations all around us and I do not want to trivialize anybodys life. I am only talking about this one case and and this one hour Oprah show.

Renee Graham said...

Do you know that Curious George is on PBS at 4pm? Skip Oprah, you curious little monkeys!

Sarah said...

I'm late to the party but agreeing with Renee. What good can come of focusing on this woman in my life? A jury found her not guilty so what's done is done. The truth lies between her and her maker. The rest of us can only speculate.

And I hope I have better things to do.

I've never actually watched Oprah...why start now?