Monday, March 09, 2009


Do you ever feel like you're going through a stormy period in your life?
I am in one right now.

I am finally about 90% well, after being sick with an ear & sinus infection for 5 weeks.
My husband, daughter and sister have all been sick within that time frame.
During the last few months, I have struggled with pain again. Chest and back pain.

Then Thursday, I found out that someone died that was like a Father to me.
My best friend my whole life (growing up) was Kendra Morgan Lee.
Her Dad died Wednesday morning, almost instantly, and it was a total shock to all.
I was working at the church from 9 am to 9 pm that day and didn't find out until Thursday.
All day Thursday, I was just numb. I cried and my stomach cramped and I was nervous.
My own father died at the young age of 49, in 1992, so I know exactly how Kendra feels.
All my memories of her Dad came flooding back to me. He was a big part of my life.

Saturday I went to the church that I grew up in. The church I was married in.
I hadn't been there for 16 years. This time it was for the funeral of someone I loved.
I saw people I hadn't seen in literally 20 years. Everyone was so sweet.
It was hard though. It's hard to see that many people from your past at once.
One of the hardest things was seeing someone that used to be my Pastor at another church.
I went to his church from the age of about 5-8.
I would get up and sing by myself, at age 8.
The Pastor called me "Angel" then and everytime he has seen me since. Just a nickname he gave me.
He used to go golfing with my Dad a lot.
Seeing him, made me miss my Dad so bad that I almost couldn't control the sobs that wanted to come out.
My Dad's brother was there too (my Uncle Alec). He looks shockingly like my Dad.
My Dad would have been 65 a month ago today (February 9th).

I am still feeling the sadness that comes when someone dies. I can't seem to shake it.
I think about death too much.
Some of our dearest friends have a son who is the same age as my baby girl, and he is dying.
He has been given about one more week to live.
I know God is bigger than that diagnosis but I am scared everytime the phone rings.

I feel so blessed that everyone in my family is healthy now and God has kept us together.
I literally looked death in the face 2 years ago and I haven't been the same since.
(For those who don't heart stopped twice but a miracle happened and saved me.)
My heart just aches for those who I love that are hurting so bad right now.

I am feeling the storms of life today.
We went to the lake today and I stood there, looking out at the water and the wind was whipping the waters so hard that it splashed onto the sidewalk near where we stood. The wind was so hard, it almost knocked me down. Sitting here right now, I feel like "life" is like that wind today. It's trying to knock me down.
I'm so glad I have the Lord to hold me in the shelter of His arms.

Please pray for the Kendra Lee and Channing Morgan, who lost their dear Dad and
please pray for Jake Deaton and his parents, for strength, healing and courage.

Thank you for listening.


Tammy Batson said...

I know where you're at Tracey ... I feel your pain ... I've been there and know the place well. As you, I look at life/death differently than most ... hang in there ... my prayers are with you ...

kristina proffitt said...

Hugs, friend!
Praying things get better soon!
Thinking of ya! ;)

Renee said...

what a powerful post.
When I feel that way-I try to remember the words to the Scott Krippanyne song:
"sometimes he calms the storm, with a whisper 'peace be still', He can settle any sea, but it doesn't mean He will. Sometimes He holds us close and let the winds and rains go wild. Sometimes he calms the storm, other times He calms his child"

Love you

tina cockburn said...

Hugs to you and prayers for these families.

My dad died at age 49 also, ten years ago this November. I miss him no less than I did nine plus years ago.

I also wanted to ask if you've been checked for gallstones. I was in pain for over a year - back-aches and abdomen pain that took me to the ER twice, once by ambulance. I thought I was dying. The first few diagnoses were that I had GERD or acid reflux. Turned out I had gallstones and had my gallbladder removed last summer. I've felt fine ever since. Just have them rule that out if they haven't check for it yet.