Thursday, October 07, 2010

a new normal

I haven't blogged in a really long time but sometimes I hear something that resonates so deeply within me that I have to write about it.

Oprah is interviewing a woman right now who has HIV. Her husband was a homosexual, living life on the "down-low" and she had no clue. Now she is living with a life-threatening illness.

When asked how she was doing now, she said, "Well I have learned there are just some things I can't do that I used to do. I have a new normal."

Wow. That is exactly how I feel but I didn't know how to put it into words.

Sometimes when I read old blog posts or see pictures of me before my pace-maker ordeal in January 2007, I feel a sadness and a longing for how my life used to be.

Then last night, I read some posts from mid-2007 and I saw how hard I struggled then and how much easier my life is now and I felt a wave of thanksgiving wash over me.

Back in 2007, after I had surgery, I couldn't even clean my house for almost a year. I blogged that I had gone from Easter to July without mopping my kitchen floor! I don't even remember how that feels! Now I keep my house clean and lately, super clean! (I am a much happier person when my house is clean.) No one has to come help me like they used to and boy, that is a good feeling.

I've come a long way baby! I need to celebrate that and give God the glory!

No longer do I feel so much fear each night that I have to sit up in the bed and quote scripture and pray for a long time just to talk myself out of waking Mike up.

I still have some bad days....days when my chest or my arm hurts and I feel panicky about it. But that is pretty rare because I've learned my limitations and what triggers the worst pain. I've learned to say "No. I can't do that." and "This is too much for me right now." I am a happier, more relaxed me. I've also learned to live with some pain everyday and realized that I can just acclimate to it and go on with life. Compared to many people, my life is a fairy tale.

So I got to thinking about my friends and some of you who have gone through major upheavals in your life you have a "new normal?"

Are you wishing for the past and not realizing how far you've come? Or maybe you're wondering if the trial you are going through will ever ease up and you will ever get through to the other side.

I am here to tell you - there is hope for you!

One day, you will look back on the time you struggled and see how far you've come. When you do, don't forget to thank God for it!


Kerry said...

Hi Tracie!

I've followed your blog for a long time (not in a stalker way. lol) after finding you on 2peas. I loved your style of scrapbooking from the minute I saw your work. Your style is very similar to my we both have beautiful daughters to scrapbook:) I was witness to a murder almost 5 years ago and reading your post tonight made me realize how far I've come since that dreadful night. I lived with GREAT anxiety about going anywhere alone after that happened but that fear is almost all gone now. Bless you for making me once again realize how blessed I am to be here. The bullets that hit him missed hitting me in the head by less than 2 inches so I am truly grateful to be alive. Your post really reminded me of that blessing tonight. Thank you for sharing your life and please know that you bring joy to others through your thoughts and sharing! Kerry

Chelle said...

Thank you Tracie!

I'm in the pits of despair but hopefully on the upswing side of it. I'm hoping to acclimate to a new normal. I'll certainly thank God when I am out of this hole!


Christi said...

I'm so happy to see you post! I was a big fan of your layouts and your attitude and personality long long ago at 2 Peas. It's wonderful to hear that you are feeling better. I hope you continue to have good days and happy memories.